We are six weeks out from our first meet of the year. This is when my feelings of self-doubt, inadequacy, nervousness, and sense of failure start to kick in…ughh!! I start to tell myself that I have made a mistake and I am trying to fit in somewhere I have no business being! I begin pulling away and trying to sabotage everything I have worked so hard for! Why? Good old fashioned SHAME. I am not good enough to do this and I am going to make a complete fool out of myself. This happens during training occasionally, as I begin to look around and see my fellow teammates improving and reaching PR’S, watching new lifters lift heavier than they thought they could and seeing the excitement on their faces. I get so excited for them and beam with pride but when it comes to me…let’s just say I leave feeling ashamed of myself for not doing as well as everyone else and begin to think I should quit before I REALLY make a fool of myself! What the hell is wrong with me? ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!
There isn’t a person out there that doesn’t feel a little shame from time to time. It’s how you deal with it that matters. You can shut down and give up or you can suck it up and strive to be better than you’ve ever been! When faced with these decisions, I refuse to give up and doubt myself any more! I can do anything I set my mind to do and I will. Coach says, progress in training is not linear, there are gonna be good days and bad days. That doesn’t mean you will never get stronger or get the PR you are working for. It simply means you may be lifting the same weight for a while. You just keep lifting, no matter how much you feel like quitting, because every rep you do your getting stronger and more ready for that next PR! I’ve watched it happen with other miss fits, teammates and myself! You have to get your mind right and that’s a hell of a lot harder than lifting the weight …TRUST ME!! There is no shame in trying and failing, only in not trying at all.
I confided in a fellow Miss Fit about how I was feeling and some goals I had set for myself. She knew what I needed to hear and gave me the name of a book that might help. These girls empower me just when I need it and I couldn’t be luckier to have them in my corner, fighting for me, even when I’m not fighting for myself. In 6 weeks, my teammates and I, will compete at our first meet of the year and we are gonna do it in style, with confidence, determination, ability, and supporting each other! There is NO SHAME in that!