Jen —  January 13, 2014 — 9 Comments

There are some weird head trips that happen when you have lost a noticeable amount of weight. One of which is a deathly fear of gaining all your weight back. The emotional issues that lead to an unhealthy relationship with food in the first place never seem to completely go away. My inner plump self has been stomping her foot and throwing a temper tantrum lately. She’s screaming for donuts and bread and all things sugary and bad. I tell her crap like “nothing tastes as good as being healthy feels” which just makes us both roll our eyes and flip each other off.

Fear of returning to 240+ pounds overnight

Fear of returning to 240+ pounds overnight

I think the recent onslaught of tasty treats brought on by the holidays have been the trigger for this outburst. I have held so tightly to the reins to control my diet for the past two years that there are times I have to fight the inner pity party that tries to happen. Why can’t I eat some of the Christmas cookies at work in the middle of the day when everybody else is having some? Why can’t I drink to excess and act a fool with the rest of my friends like I used to? Well, here’s why:

  1. I need to plan my treats or it leads to a slippery slope. I know for me, if I indulge here and there and don’t see immediate negative effects then it’s easier to justify sneaking them in more and more. And of course, you won’t see negative effects right away. Pants gradually getting tighter leads to anxiety and self-esteem issues which is a potent trigger for more emotional eating. Speaking of emotional eating, why is it never carrots or veggies that seem to be the go to food item?
  2. I need to plan my treats in order to stick to my modified carb nite eating style. For me, keeping my carbs at night and only on a workout day are crucial. Planning when I choose to indulge puts the control back in my hands.
  3. I need to plan my treats in order to keep my emotional connection to food at bay. This is what got me into trouble in the first place. I do want to eat all the crappy food at work, but it’s not because I’m hungry, it’s because it tastes good and is social. Understanding why I want to eat it helps to rationally tell myself why I shouldn’t.

    Thankful to have supportive healthy people in my life

    Thankful to have supportive healthy people in my life

All this makes perfect sense, but I suppose I needed to write it down and put it out there so my inner chunk can go take a nap or something. Losing weight and changing your lifestyle doesn’t mean you are “cured” from being overweight. This is a struggle that I’m sure I will always have and people that have not been significantly overweight may have a hard time identifying with. Sometimes it’s harder than others, it is what it is. I’m thankful to have this outlet, so thanks for reading.


9 responses to Holidazed

  1. Kerry Stevenson January 13, 2014 at 9:54 am

    Wow. You nailed it. Thanks for writing it.

  2. Jen

    Thanks Kerry!!

  3. Great post! Thanks for sharing 🙂 I agree on all the points! 🙂

  4. Something else that helps me is to remember my performance. I know that if I cheat on my nutrition, my running endurance and strength in the weight room will suffer. Setting performance goals that I care about has helped me to discipline my intake as much as anything. Great post, Jen. Keep ’em coming!

  5. Jen

    Thanks Bob! You made a great point about performance. I tend to notice that the most when we’re in a training cycle for a meet. Nutrition can make a huge difference!

  6. Nicely said! Thanks for keeping it real!

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