I love training with my fellow miss fits, but sometimes training in a group is not so good for my head. A conversation came up a few weeks ago during squat night where one of the girls couldn’t remember what her squat PR was from her last meet. I immediately told her it was 231. How and why would I know that? I can’t remember what I ate for dinner two nights ago. It’s because I find myself constantly comparing myself to the other girls when we train. It’s almost a subconscious thing, and it’s probably not healthy. There was a time when I would have compared body parts, like “damn, I wish I had arms like Anne, legs like Emily, or a butt like Suzanne”. Now I’m a tad more secure in my own skin, but my focus has shifted to the amount of weight on the bar. Lift envy. I may have just traded one negative neurotic trait for another.
Don’t get me wrong, I am always happy for the other girls when they do well. We all are extremely supportive, and are each other’s biggest cheerleaders. Maybe the comparison issue is part of my competitive nature or perhaps it’s a “female” thing. Whatever it is, bless Jim’s heart for being the voice of reason and knowing how to encourage us to focus on the positives. We are lucky because when these issues come up, we are able to talk about it freely. All of us have had a less than stellar personal lifting night and then someone else hits a PR or does their previous max for reps. It’s an “I’m so happy for you, but why am I sucking so bad” kind of moment.
Even though I’m constantly comparing myself to these other strong ladies, I wouldn’t trade training with them for anything. They understand this whole comparison weirdness I have. Here’s to hoping I can move past this lift envy just like I did with body part envy without picking up a new neuroses in the meantime.